How To Overcome Sexual Trials and Trauma In Your Marriage

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Episode Summary

There’s probably no better metric to measure the health of a marriage than by their frequency of sex and intimacy. However, many couples have been kept from high frequency and marital health because of trauma and trials in the bedroom. In this episode, we discuss the biblical solution to this tough problem.

Almost every marriage faces it—sexual trials and trauma. From the cancer of pornography use and the dagger of unfaithfulness to wounds of rejection and missed expectations. Sex or the lack thereof is the epicenter of many divorces. In this episode, Dale & Veronica confront these common issues and offer biblical solutions that bring life, freedom, and trust back into the bedroom.

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In addition to our teaching time, we answer one-two critical questions from our listening audience. You can view those questions at the bottom of this page and hear our responses at the closing of this episode. Also, if you have a question you would like answered on the show, please email us at support@ultimatemarriage.com

Worthy Quotes From This Episode

  • Satan loves to keep us paying the price for sins that have already been paid for.
  • Embracing shame after repentance is like telling Jesus, “Your death on the cross wasn’t enough to pay for my sins. I’ll pay for the rest of it.”
  • Our horizontal forgiveness with others is connected to our vertical forgiveness with God.
  • True forgiving is an act you can only do in the power of the gospel.
  • Holding resentment and bitterness against others is a sign that we believe we really aren’t that bad.
  • True forgiveness, just like with Christ, puts us back into relationship the exact same way it was prior to the sin.

Scripture From This Episode

  • Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
  • 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
  • Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Questions Answered In This Episode

  • As a husband, I have made mistakes in our marriage (from keeping secrets about my past to falling into the sin of looking at pornography). My wife has forgiven me and I am living in purity and honesty now, but as a result of my past sins I feel so shameful and unworthy to pursue sex with my wife. She wants intimacy and is hurt that I don’t pursue her. I know this is how she feels but still can’t get over my past and initiate sex very often. As a result of how infrequent our intimacy has been we both feel discouraged and have a hard time even wanting to have sex at times now. What would your recommendations be for overcoming this shame and mental/spiritual block that I have?
  • How can I get back to a place of desire both physically and mentally for my husband after experiencing deep hurt over his pornography use? Being sexually and emotionally vulnerable with a man who I feel like has violated my trust in every way possible and hurt me so deeply feels impossible.
  • My husband wants me to initiate sex more often but I have a huge fear of rejection. In addition, I just don’t desire sex as much as him. How can we fix these issues?

This Week’s Memory Verse

  • Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Lastly, did anything stand out in this show? Do you have any comments, additions or questions? Let us know about them in the comments below.

Written By Dale Partridge
Dale is the co-founder and Editor in Chief at Ultimate Marriage. He is best known as a thought leader on biblical theology, family, and church practice. Currently, Dale is finishing his graduate studies at Western Seminary.
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